


i will set my sail again

by rabbitsparty



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Era, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Post-lawsuit, Pre-lawsuit, Romance, Swearing, kris is really chessy, so is chanyeol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 11:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6327583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabbitsparty/pseuds/rabbitsparty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From when they were trainees to present, Chanyeol spends everyday in love with Yifan, even after he loses everything he's ever been scared of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i will set my sail again

They meet when they are just trainees and Yifan is feeling homesick and wondering if all of this was worth moving all the way out here just to keep training for a dream that seemed so far away. Chanyeol was one of a few who kept encouraging him to chase after that dream, he'd be picked for a band if he kept on believing. He finds himself smiling more at the thought of Chanyeol or being around Chanyeol nowadays than he did when he was training.  
  
When they get the announcement they'd be in a band together, Yifan kisses Chanyeol for the first time out of excitement. Neither of them had confessed their feelings for each other but it was there, everyone knowing from the way that they stuck at the hip and talked about one another.  
  
  
  
Before Yifan and Minseok, Luhan, Lay, Tao and Jongdae leave for China to start their promotions for their first mini-album as EXO-M is the night they make love for the first time. They take their time exploring each other's bodies throughout the night and staying up until the sun comes up when Yifan has to say goodbye.  
  
That morning he kissed Chanyeol goodbye, promising him that he'd send him photos and text messages every chance he got.  
  
  
  
The night that the band won their first award together was emotional and once they were backstage away from the cameras, Yifan wrapped his arms around Chanyeol's enveloping him in a hug and rested his head on his shoulder.  
  
“I love you and I couldn't be happier to have won this award with you and everyone else.” Yifan mumbles.  
  
It was the first time he ever said he loved Chanyeol.  
  
  
  
Spending so much time preparing for their second mini album Chanyeol and Yifan barely spent any time together, they were on a strict routine: Practice, eat, sleep and repeat. They were going back to China for their promotions and Yifan seemed so happy to go back, but he also seemed a little bit more distant once they finally had found time to spend together again.  
  
  
  
It started out as a series of random questions one day. Yifan and Chanyeol were sitting together at the table in the morning eating breakfast before the other members had woken up, Chanyeol mumbling about how it was too early in the morning when Yifan looked up from his bowl and said in all seriousness, “What would you do if we hadn't met each other?”  
  
Chanyeol blinked at the question. He just chuckled, running a hand through Yifan's messy hair, trying to find the best answer for him as his hand traced the elders jaw.  
  
“I'd pray everyday until I found you.”  
  
  
  
Yifan had continued laying on the floor of the dance studio even after all the other members had left to get showers, something to eat or sleep for a few hours before the managers would be waking them up to start the process all over again. Chanyeol had come back into the room to find his phone and he ended up lying on the floor next to Yifan, resting his head on his chest and for a while he could have sworn that Yifan fell asleep on him.  
  
“I'd like to think that if we were in an alternate universe, we'd meet differently somehow. Maybe you would be like this super awesome guitar player in this coffee shop and I happen to run that coffee shop and I secretly have a crush on you so I keep asking you to play every night as an excuse to see you and ask you out when I plucked up the courage.” Yifan rambles.  
  
Chanyeol lifts his head and shakes his head, “If we're meeting in a coffee shop, it's going to be ran by Minseok-hyung. You'd be the manager.”  
  
Yifan laughs, nodding his head. “True.”  
  
  
  
Sitting on the couch in the living room of their dorm room, Baekhyun was setting up his pillows and blankets to get ready to sleep while Chanyeol and Yifan sat together and watched Yifan's favorite movie.  
  
Yifan turned to Chanyeol and cleared his throat, “What scares you the most?”  
  
Chanyeol shrugged his shoulders. “Well, this movie does. I mean, her lover leaves her when they are in the best part of their relationship... Why would he do that? It's so scary to think that could actually happen to someone... But other than that, I guess I would say not being able to write music anymore. Even if I don't rap anymore, I'd still want to write music. Why, what scares you?”  
  
“Losing everything I love.”  
  
Chanyeol throws an arm over Yifan's stomach and moved closer to him, kissing his shoulder because he was too comfortable in his position on the Yifan's side and he didn't feel like moving up to his lips, but he want to reassure Yifan that he wouldn't lose anything.  
  
“Even if you do, you won't lose me. You'll be stuck with me forever.” Chanyeol says seriously, which took Yifan back because Chanyeol never sounded this serious.  
  
“You know what scares me? That as I try to sleep, I'll end up hearing and probably see you guys have sex...” Baekhyun groans, turning around so his back faces the others.  
  
Yifan covers his face with a hand as he laughs, Chanyeol admiring his smile - all teeth. He loved seeing the older man laugh and happy that he knew the answer of writing music wasn't the right answer when he told Yifan what he was scared of... He was scared of never seeing Yifan smile, to never hear his laughter, or be able to give him lazy kisses on parts of his body.  
  
  
  
“Do you believe in soulmates, Chanyeol?” Yifan asks one night when they are eating dinner in the dance studio after running through some of their parts in a song. When he saw that he only had one part in one of their new songs, his eyes became watery and had to excuse himself to cry in the bathroom.  
  
Chanyeol looked up from the sheet of paper with the lyrics and he had noticed Yifan's eyes were red and puffy. He found his hand and kissed his palm, whispering, “I believe in you.”  
  
  
  
“What if we left and went to Canada? I can introduce you to my family... I'm sure they'd all love you.” Yifan suggests with a chuckle.  
  
Chanyeol and Yifan sat up in bed after they had just had sex in a hotel room somewhere near where the next concert venue. Chanyeol had been noticing that as time got closer to their first big concert at the end of May, Yifan was looking more and more tired and worn out but he reassured Chanyeol that he was fine. Maybe Chanyeol was just worrying too much about his boyfriend, but something told him that Yifan wasn't telling him everything.  
  
“I'd love that, Yifan, but we can't..." Disappointment tainting his voice. "We're under contract and for another many, many more years! We can't just abandon our contracts like that.” Chanyeol exclaims.  
  
He laughs, “Yeah we could! Just tell the company we're tired of being treated like shit and we want to finally rest.”  
  
Chanyeol put his hands up to Yifan's cheeks and he leaned in closer to Chanyeol, their noses almost touching. He closed his eyes he wanted it to be like this forever. Nothing else but this.  
  
“Don't make jokes, Yifan or you might actually convince me to run away with you.” Chanyeol jokes.  
  
 _But I wasn't joking around_ , Yifan wants to say and it's at the tip of his tongue but he doesn't say it.  
  
  
  
“Did you ever imagine that this...” Yifan points around the empty stage during rehearsal one morning when it was just him and the other members, “... was what we were going to get when we signed?”  
  
Chanyeol looked around the stage and saw Minseok sitting on the stage with Luhan and he had his head rested on Luhan's shoulder as he said something to him, Sehun yawning and Yixing and Jongdae laughing as they wiped away their sweat. For eight in the morning it sure was hot and it was only going to get hotter. The other members were sitting around testing their voices through the mic to make sure they sounded the best for the crowd that night.  
  
Chanyeol shook his head, “Sometimes I think that it could be better than this, but I don't know, with you and all of the other members, I can put up with all of the pain and long nights, y'know? Even if half the group thinks I'm annoying most of the time.”  
  
Yifan shrugged his shoulders, playing with the mic that he'd turned off so him and Chanyeol could have a few minutes to themselves. “Sometimes I think I regret auditioning...”  
  
Chanyeol's smile faded and he found Yifan's hand, holding it as he scooted closer to him and nervously ran his hand up and down his arm.  
  
“So I'm guessing you really wanted to meet me in that office instead, huh?” Chanyeol laughs.  
  
Yifan laughs because he knows that it was to lighten the mood and make him feel a bit better but a little part of him told him that Chanyeol just didn't want to face the reality of what Yifan had been saying about him regretting his audition. “No, Chanyeollie, it was a coffee shop!" The smile sprawled across his lips was small. "And sometimes I think about us meeting that way than instead of us being trainees. That way you can show off the amazing music you've been making and I wouldn't be in so much pain.”  
  
“But I like the music we make together better than anything I've ever written.” Chanyeol winked.  
  
Yifan rolled his eyes, “Gosh, you are so cheesy.”  
  
“Cheesy for you, baby.”  
  
“Ugh, remember that you have your mic turned on, Chanyeol! We don't want to hear about your sex life.” Kyungsoo complains from across the stage.  
  
  
  
Yifan stays close to Chanyeol through their show. He whispers to him during the show that afterwards he wants to talk to him but he doesn't have enough time to say why, but Chanyeol didn't worry about it, knowing that it was most likely going to be about their next show or something he wanted to tell him before they had to go back to their promotions. Yifan sees signs with his name on them in the crowd, some of the other members pointing them out to him and smiling, but Yifan teared up at seeing them. There was too many things he was feeling at the end of the show: Sadness, a longing to be on this stage for a bit longer so he could take in all the love he'd gotten that night, the urge to scream into the microphone that this was going to be the last time they see him on stage with the eleven other members. He holds onto the members a bit longer than usual but they don't seem to mind, his chin scrunches up as they all say 'We are one!'.  
  
He was the last one in the dressing room, taking in the sight of all their fans and all the signs with his name on it one last time. Sitting down, he rushed taking his makeup off and changing from the white suit to a pair of jeans and a tank top, looking for Chanyeol, who was talking to Baekhyun and laughing. He hesitates asking to talk to Chanyeol when Tao comes up to him and starts talking about something that Yifan couldn't exactly remember, but he told himself multiple times through the conversation that he should listen to Tao, remember their last conversation together.  
  
Yifan is quiet through the ride back to the dorms but he listens to what the other members are talking about: Jongin and Kyungsoo argue over who gets the top bunk, Joonmyun tells them to stop arguing because it would be Jongin since he was younger. Jongin laughed and Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.  
  
Everyone said goodnight to each other before they all made their way to their rooms while Yifan took out a water bottle and drank it, giving everyone a smile as they walked by him, Chanyeol being the last one to walk up to him, a smile right on his face. It amazed Yifan how happy Chanyeol was all the time.  
  
Setting the water bottle down on the counter, Yifan walked up to Chanyeol who was wearing a pair of boxers and a tank top, he wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed Chanyeol, this time it being different than all the other times they'd kissed over the years. Both of them were still madly in love with each other. Yifan didn't want this kiss to end because he didn't want it, _this_ , to end. Chanyeol pulled away to see Yifan's eyes had been watering, but he was biting his lip so he didn't cry. Not now. His shaky hands went under his shirt and ran up Chanyeol's warm body, Chanyeol moaning when he stopped at his nipples, Yifan kissing the younger's body slowly going from his jaw to his neck, then he kissed his collarbone when he stopped, Chanyeol letting out a whine.  
  
“What's wrong, Yifan?” Chanyeol asks when he suddenly stopped.  
  
“I don't want one of the guys to catch us.” Yifan whispers and Chanyeol remembered the others and nodded his head, his cheeks going to the deepest shade of red when Yifan shakes his head, “Also, I don't want to miss the chance to talk to you.”  
  
Chanyeol looks up confused, his head tilted to the one side. “What do you mean?”  
  
“I'm tired, Chanyeollie and I've been in pain for the longest of time, so I've been thinking for a really long time... I love you so much, Chanyeol.” Yifan says.  
  
“I love you too, Yifan. What's going on? You're worrying me.”  
  
Yifan shakes his head, “Tomorrow's going to be better, okay?” He places a peck on Chanyeol's lips before he backs up, “I love you, Chanyeollie. Goodbye.”  
  
And he walks away before Chanyeol can see the tears that were starting to roll down his face, the tears that refused to wait until he was in his shared room with Tao and away from Chanyeol.  
  
Chanyeol, confused, turns to see the back of Yifan's face and says, “Don't you mean 'goodnight', hyung? It's not like you're going anywhere, I'll see you in the morning. Just like always.” Chanyeol mumbles.  
  
Yifan chuckles through the tears and instead of saying anything else, he just turns and walks through the hallway where ten boys were sleeping. He makes his way into his bedroom and shuts the door quietly so he didn't wake Tao up, climbing into his bed and finding comfort in his blankets but it isn't long before he starts to pack up things in his bag. He leaves behind a picture of him and Chanyeol on his nightstand for Chanyeol to take if he wants to (if he didn't hate him afterwards) and he quietly tries to put the stuffed wolf he and Tao bought together next to Tao's nightstand.  
  
  
  
When Chanyeol wakes up the next morning he's expecting to meet Yifan at the table for breakfast but instead he's met with ten other people that aren't Yifan. Everyone looks like they'd been awake for days and Sehun was holding onto Pinku Pinku, Joonmyun trying his best to hide the tears he was shedding.  
  
“Where's Yifan-hyung? You guys didn't reset his alarm so he'd miss dance practice again, did you?” Chanyeol groans.  
  
“Sit down, Chanyeol. We need to tell you something.” Joonmyun says.  
  
When he sits down he notices Tao holding the stuffed wolf that he remembers Yifan had bought with him making him confused.  
  
Then he's told Yifan left without a word. To anyone. He was suing the company and wanted out of his contract. It made sense why Yifan wanted to talk to him the night before, why he teared up through the show... Why he said goodbye. As everyone scattered through the kitchen and living room, not saying his name or trying to avoid any questions that would be about him, Chanyeol sat at the table and he felt betrayed. He was dating Yifan and he didn't even know why he left or that was even thinking about it!  
  
Storming away from the table and back towards the rooms, Chanyeol walked to Yifan's now old bedroom and he took a look for himself: His bed was made like it always was, but nothing of his was there anymore except for the photo of him and Chanyeol that was years old, when they were still trainees.  
  
Feeling angry, he threw the frame on the floor and backed away so the glass didn't hit his feet and he felt like yelling. Why didn't Yifan say anything? What were they supposed to do? Was he going to call him?  
  
  
  
Chanyeol remains hopeful for the next month. He spends it smiling and acting fine through the public eye but at night when he's in his room, he cries and Kyungsoo gets up and comforts him in the middle of the night, with no mention of it in the morning the next day. Minseok ends up comforting Tao, who sobs loudly when they get done with a show, wishing that Yifan had been there to see it.  
  
He holds tightly onto his phone but there is nothing new from Yifan, only past messages and photos from before he left. Sometimes he goes to send a message but he remembers and he doesn't. Then one night when all of his tears are gone and Kyungsoo had gone back to bed, he grabs his phone and pulls up his old messages with Yifan. Not caring if he'd probably changed his phone number or if he sees them, Chanyeol just needs to get it off his chest.  
  
 _I'm so lonely and I miss you, I need you to come back. Please._ , he sends.  
  
 _Why did you leave without saying anything? I'm so angry at you right now, but yet I just want to hear your voice again. Why do you make me feel this way?_ , Chanyeol sends another night.  
  
 _Do you remember that time when he first slept together and we wouldn't let go of each other because you were leaving that morning and we didn't want to let go of each other yet? I feel that now. I miss your touch, Yifan. I miss the way you used to smile and laugh when I told a joke even if it wasn't funny, I miss your voice. Overall I miss you being here. Come back. Please._ , Chanyeol texts one night after sneaking into Yifan's bedroom when they were all having dinner and he pretended to not be feeling well because despite Yifan not having slept in that bed for a month, it still smelled like him and it was like having him back for a little while.  
  
 _Tao regrets making that post and he lost your stuffed wolf. No he didn't, I stole it from him but I haven't told him because I know he probably misses you as much as I do and I don't want to give it back to him just yet_ , Chanyeol messages as he stares at the stuffed wolf on his bunk bed staring right back at him.  
  
 _I kept your photograph you left behind. Was it left behind on purpose? Either way, I took it. I changed the frame and have it in my room, the frame broke. Sorry. I'm still missing you like crazy Yifan and I feel selfish for wanting you to come back because obviously you look like you're doing better... Not like I'm looking up what's going on with you. Which I'm totally not_ , Chanyeol messages him one night. He hated this one way conversation.  
  
 _Joonmyun broke down crying after he picked a movie to watch and he said it was because he was exhausted but we all know it was because it was your favorite movie and we hadn't watched it since you were here_ , Chanyeol messages hurriedly in the bathroom that night when he feels like Yifan should know how upset everyone is.  
  
 _Kyungsoo hid his crying when tey told us we couldn't mention you in interviews or make it sound like you were ever in our band. You just left, it's not like you were never apart of our band. We hate it. You used to say 'we are one' like it was a promise, like it was your way of saying I love you... Liar._ , Chanyeol texts during dinner.  
  
 _Joonmyn mentioned that he believed in soulmates at dinner and ever since then, I've been reading up on soulmates because I thought of our conversation that one time when we were getting the new songs for Overdose and looking over them and you asked me if I believed in them. I guess not all soulmates get a happy ending._ , Chanyeol sends through his tears one night after reading different theories for hours.  
  
 _Do you remember when you asked me what I was scared of and I said not being able to write music anymore? Well, I changed my mind that night. It was everything about that I was scared of losing... And my worst nightmare came true. I've lost your cute smile, I've lost your loud laugh that sometimes annoyed me when we were on a plane at five in the morning and you were laughing at a stupid cat video. I've lost you and I hate it._ , Chanyeol texts.  
  
 _Tonight when we were at dinner Luhan accidentally mentioned a conversation he once had with you about what we'd all do after EXO was no more... I didn't know you wanted to have a family. Did you think that we'd be together for that long? He could pick up that I felt awkward about that. Jongin called you a traitor, but you could tell how bad he felt after calling you that. He didn't mean it, he says, but I don't believe him._ , Chanyeol mentions.  
  
 _I know that you are a certain hours away but it doesn't feel like that. You're gone and I have no idea if I'm ever going to get to hear your sweet voice again, if I'm ever going to meet you again... I'm not sure if we'll have anything more than just memories one day. I am just holding onto this single thread of hope that one day you'll magically see these messages and text back and we'll live happily ever after?_ , Chanyeol sends one night when he feels like there was nothing else but a tiny bit of hope that Yifan would see his messages.  
  
 _You probably aren't seeing these because you're doing you're own thing, but I'm still angry at you. How dare you leave without saying anything? I don't think I could forgive you because you gave no warning or reason, Yifan. WHY DID YOU LEAVE AND MAKE EVERYTHING HARD?! I JUST WANT TO WAKE UP AND NOT DREAD GOING INTO THE KITCHEN BECAUSE I KNOW YOU AREN'T GOING TO BE THERE TO KISS ME GOOD MORNING. GOSH YIFAN! NOW I WISH WE HAD MET IN THAT OFFICE OR COFFEE SHOP OR WHATEVER IT WAS BECAUSE AT LEAST YOU WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT ME AND I WOULDN'T HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY AND HATE LEAVING MY OWN ROOM ANYMORE!_ , Chanyeol sends one night when missing Yifan was too much for him to handle. He wishes that maybe Yifan would see this specific message and reply, but after two hours of hoping that he would, Chanyeol throws his phone on the nightstand and tries to fall asleep again.  
  
But Yifan does see it. He sees all the messages that Chanyeol sends him at different times of the day, smiling that he didn't forget about him but the smile fades when he reads how angry he is at him. He almost types up a reply a couple of the times and tries to explain what he was going through, why left, but he stops mid way and turns his phone off. Maybe one day he'll get to talk to him and tell him everything.  
  
But before he can choose to reply to one of the messages, they stop coming. He stops waking up to them, or coming out of the shower to see a message, or coming back from making dinner to see that Chanyeol had texted him.  
  
 _Don't message hyung. Or any of us. We are angry at you, Yifan._ , either Jongin or Sehun sends him one night. Yifan excitedly opens it, pausing the movie on his TV, and takes a deep breath when he reads it over and over again.  
  
They are no longer _one_.

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted from my LiveJournal, prequel to i'll tell you all about it.


End file.
